Words unsaid

"One eye open. One still in a dream."

Change

There once was a time,
when he read my words
like a starved man, tearing at his  bread.

He said it made him sad.

Now he doesn’t have time,
for my words
or me.

What a lot, a year change.

Status: Single or ………

There once was a time
when she never felt alone –
even though her status,
read ‘Single’.

He was never too far behind
with a smile
and a hug
and a ridiculous story
to make her laugh.

Don’t leave me behind

Take me with you,
Wherever you go,
Even the journeys you make
inside your head.

Love me

And then she said to him,
“Don’t love me.
Don’t love me for what you fell in love with.
because she has danced her way out of my life.
She has dived into the ocean and sprung herself to the horizon. Climbed the tallest tree and become one with the sky.
She has taken flight.”

“Love me,” she said,
“For the imperfection that I am.
laughs that turn into anger,
smiles that turn into tears.
The discomfort I feel of myself.
Love me,
For the pent up emotions –
a jumble of feelings.
Love me,
For the endless thoughts
that run in my head.
Love me,
For the way that I am.
Now.

I might not be this tomorrow,
day after, tonight.
But love me enough to follow me
with the changes, and dreams, and fears.
And maybe, just maybe
you’ll find me good enough
to trust me with your heart.

Right now though,
you don’t love me. You love who I was.
But I am not that person  anymore.”

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You

There are these dreams in my head,
of you,
of us,
that is so perfect,
that waking up
is the hardest to do.

Who am I?

I am nothing to him,
Easily forgotten
with two missed calls.

I am ‘hurt’ to you,
Piercing your heart
with my broken lies.

Who am I, I wonder.
Someone to be loved
or forgotten?
Someone to be held
or discarded?
Someone worth your time
or dust in your eye?

Unfinished

I was writing this for you when you accused me for lying, again. Only this time I wasn’t.

Dearest,
I hate what has become of us. Constantly doubting,  constantly fighting to be heard. We have built a wall around us and we are constantly trying to look over the walls, rattling the chains on the gates and screaming to be heard.
But we weren’t always like this.
You and I, we had a world of our own – a cocoon where our walls were down,  gates open, blinds of our windows spread wide open for the light to shine through.
But somewhere down the line, we got so busy we forgot to open up, and let down our walls. Instead of that blinding light, we started getting just a friction of it. And we got used to it. Got comfortable in the darkness. And now we are both fighting for the last few rays of light.
I wish everything could just go back to what it was December before last.
I can honestly say, I’ve never been more content before. I couldn’t keep my fingers from reaching out for yours. We had such little of what we have now, but we were happy. Happy with the little moments we had, the long calls in the night,  the giggles and the snuggles. Remember that time we danced across that stinky hall, just because?
I don’t know what to say.
We have changed. We have grown. But perhaps not together.
I am sorry for all the times I’ve caused you pain. For all the times I wipes off your smile and replaced it with a frown. For all the times I’ve made you loose your patience……

Free

You,
are free to go.
Your shackles are broken,
ropes untied.

Take care of those bruises,
they will heal,
you’ll find a better prison
than me,
someday.

Hard

Hard to love,
hard to please,
hard to hold,
my heart in place.

It’s all right,
I understand.
How do you love me,
when I don’t love myself?

The little white boat

Times are troubled
the current too strong,
winds too powerful,
waves too rough.

The little white boat
will crash and turn,
but never topple,
with you here.

Hold my hand, Jesus.
Don’t let go.
Stay with me, Jesus.
I don’t want to go.

The waves crashed,
the wind howled,
the current ran,
with all its might.

But still it stood,
the little white boat,
with Jesus holding,
its sails afloat.

Minus

Past –
Best friend. Boy friend. Future.
Present –
No boy, no best, no friend.

Gone

Gone too soon,

is not just for tombstones.

It’s for you and me,

and everything we never had.

Every day blessing

When the sky lights up with colour
I always think of you.

You

You are the dawn of the day
The light seeping in.

You are the clouds that run
And the rain that splatter;

You are the breeze on my hair
The chill on my skin.

You are the tinkling waves
The salt that digs in.

You are the thunder in my heart
The lightning of my soul.

You are God’s best creation,
My every day blessing.

I love you.

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